The Walking Purse

I hate carrying a wallet. I have one or rather I had one before I bought this new case for my phone, which now comes with a wallet of sorts. I can slide my license and credit cards in it, money goes in my front pocket, pictures are on my phone and that is about all a wallet would carry anyway. I hate it because I am not a fan of sitting on bulky objects. I’m afraid it makes me look lopsided when I sit down and could topple over at any moment. Besides, it’s just uncomfortable sitting on this brick that covers one of your ass cheeks. I was made for cushion.

So, I began to whittle it down and for the longest time used a business card holder as my wallet. It only had my license and a credit card. At least, that is how it started. Then the girls and I started going out more and I carried their licenses as well and the extra cards so that they didn’t have to carry their purses into wherever we were going.

That worked for me because I was the money keeper. All of it also still fit inside my small leather business card holder. It stretched it out a tad more, but still better than a full-sized wallet. I could still sit comfortably.

And then it happened. The list of things I was asked to carry grew.

“Can you slip my reading glasses into your shirt pocket?” Of course, it was already bulging with my every handy notebook and pens.

“Will this camera fit in your back pocket?”

“Would you mind holding my phone?” Lip gloss. Chapstick. A mysterious colorful bag with things I didn’t really want to know about hidden inside. The list kept growing. Checkbooks. Another camera. More phones. The girls soon were free of their purses because I had become a walking purse. I carried it all. Half the time I didn’t even know what I was carrying! I had escaped the wallet only to have that space freed up for their tidbits of paraphernalia. Before sitting down I have to empty all of my pockets in order to bend properly and not break something. Cameras and phones are not that flexible and much harder than my wallet had been.

I know I fuss about technology quite a bit, but in regards to convenience it has saved my pockets. Most phones now come with cameras. Not only that but with all of the apps that are now available, they can replace eReaders, Gameboys and DSIs, radios, and even checkbooks and credit cards. I can carry my entire library both literary and musical, as well as my writing with me. They can even replace my handy dandy notebook.

I know there are plenty of traditionalists out there who, like me, value the feel of a real book in our hands and a camera to focus through. However, for those quick weekends of Messing where you just want to go and not be weighed down, they quite often save me from walking like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz. Now, I don’t mind being the walking purse as much, because I am carrying three things usually as opposed to over a dozen. Or, I can even carry more of a variety of things, more important things, such as my cigars. Now if we could only come up with a better way of hauling those unmentionables in the colorful bag I don’t want to know about.

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